What Prince George can expect on his first day at Eton today: WILL NUTTING's survival guide for the young royal

Dear Prince George, The Burning Bush is neither burning nor a bush. In fact, it's a lamppost outside School Library. Judy's Passage and Nolan's Crack aren't euphemisms, they're shortcuts to the English and Maths departments. And The Bill isn't an inventory of costs – it's a list of students to be punished 'Lower Man' and may well give you a 'Georgic' – writing out 500 lines of Latin hexameter. But don't worry too much because, when you arrive for your first day at Eton College today, along with 250 other 13-year-old boys, this most extraordinary of schools will feel foreign to you all. It doesn't matter whether you were raised in a castle or a council flat, Eton is a world unto itself. Of course, things have changed since I joined in 1981. Back then we still had 'capping' – a custom which involved boys raising a finger in greeting to schoolmasters outdoors, echoing the tipping of top hats. But while some things change, so much of Eton has proudly stayed the same. And that's why the first task of any Etonian is to pass the Colours Test, a forensic examination of a new boy's knowledge of everything from the names of historic buildings to the 25 house colours, flags and – of course – Eton's own dictionary. You'll soon learn that masters are called 'beaks', lessons are 'divs', weekends at home are 'short leave' and the terms – Michaelmas, Lent and Summer – are called 'halfs'. Mid-morning snack is 'chambers' and the mid-afternoon meal is 'mess'. The evening assembly is called 'prayers' though God doesn't figure. College refers only to the house of the 50 or so scholars. Everyone else is an 'Oppidan'. Agars and Dutchman's are sports fields. Dry Bobs play sports on firm ground like cricket.